Unconditional Love

One of my dear friends, and a follower of our blog :-), asked us to tell our stories of how we got started on our weight loss journey.  This is Ronna's story....

My whole life has been a battle of weight; losing it, gaining it, worrying about it, crying about it, hiding it. I was always the girl with the "pretty face", the girl that didn't quite fit in, literally, the girl that tugged at her clothes, had to shop in the big girls' area (which was few and far between back then!), the girl that was constantly looking for approval from others, the girl who couldn't understand why the boys didn't like me because I was big. 

The need for approval, despite my weight problem, was deep and desparate.  It seemed that no one, whether it be family members, friends at school, myself, would accept me because of my weight.  That desparate need for acceptance and approval only increased my weight problem, because the sadder I became, the more I ate.  The more I ate, the sadder I got, and then of course, I ate to make myself not so sad. 

This sadness and yearning for acceptance continued into my adult life.  The "normalcy" of fighting for acceptance, despite my weight, was basically the theme of my first marriage.  I spent everyday of the marriage longing for acceptance.  I lost weight on Phen-Fen, for his acceptance, I lost weight on Jenny Craig, for his acceptance, I worked out for his acceptance, but everytime I gained the weight back, plus some, because it was for him, and a crying out for his acceptance.

Of course, surprise, surprise, that marriage failed.  In the time after my divorce, I did a lot of praying and working on alleviating the life long sadness and striving for acceptance from people who could only love me conditionally.  As I worked on these changes, with God's hand on me, I met a wonderful man.  It was instant (no joke) love and acceptance.  Although I was at my heaviest at the time, this man loved me, despite the muffin top, double chin, and jiggly legs.  This man loved me, despite myself. 

Five months, to the day, after we met, we traveled to Colorado Springs to be married.  The first few years of our marriage were so great!  We enjoyed life, loved each other in a way we had never experienced, and were incredibly happy.  Okay, so we were happy, but certainly not healthy! 

In December 2006, Eristeo had lunch with his best friend from high school who had been following the Weight Watchers online plan and had lost 100 pounds and ran the Dallas White Rock Marathon earlier that month.  Eristeo was so inspired by his accomplishment, that he came home that afternoon and told me that he would be joining Weight Watchers and beginning a healthier lifestyle.  I told him he was welcome to do so, but I would not be following along.

Why, you may ask would I not join him in this endeavor to live a healthy lifestyle, if I loved him so much and had struggled with my weight my whole life. Well...I had been diagnosed with Autoimmune Hepatitis earlier that year, and it had thrown me into a deep depression.  I was on high doses of steroids, which made me aggresively hungry, which in turn made me gain weight.  I had given up on any chance of ever losing weight again, especially since I had no idea how long I would be on the steroids, possibly the remainder of my life.  Therefore, my response was, "Thanks, but no thanks."  I told him I would be supportive, but would not be coming along on this journey with him.

Well, after a month of having to "tweek" the recipes I made for his WW points, watching him weigh all his food, listening to him talk about the changes he was making, and seeing his wonderful results, I told him, "Look, I am sick about you talking about this all the time!"  (Really supportive and loving, huh?!)  He looked at me lovingly and deeply compassionate and said, "I am going to do this whether you join me or not.  Do you think I am joking when I say I'm not going to live to see us grow old together?  I have to do something about my weight so I can grow old with you. I love you, whatever choice you make."

Unconditional love...That's all it took.  The fact that, whether I lost weight or not, he would love me.  The very next day I signed up on Weight Watchers online to join my love in the journey to lose weight, get fit, and eat healthier.  I was still on heavy amounts of prednisone, but the motivation to be true to myself, record everything I ate, follow the plan, exercise, and live a better life was great! 

The bottom line is, I had to realize that weight loss is all about me.  Being fit and exercising regularly are up to me.  The choice to be healthy, make good choices, improve my health is up to me and about me. Others may benefit from my choices, but ultimately, it is about me, and how much I love me! 

I hope you will all find the deep love and appreciation for yourself, within yourself, and will make the choices and changes to make your life the best you, you can be. 

Ronna~